WorldGirlRants

Work Definitions

2006-05-18T20:31:00.000-04:00

Every company has its own shorthand for things. Some of it is official, and some of it is unofficially used by groups of people within the company to make all the craziness of the workplace a little less daunting/scary/annoying/upsetting/ insane. Below, I share some that my colleagues and I use to lighten up the day.

Skin Suit
Definition: a creepy dude that makes all the women around him uncomfortable, bringing to mind the crazy criminal in the movie Silence of the Lambs who kidnaps women to skin them and wear their epidermis as a suit.

A group of colleagues and I call this one particular dude at work "Skin Suit" because he is universally acknowledged to creep all the women in our company out. He always stares at us, says vaguely inappropriate things, but not innapropriate enough to actually do anything about it, and just generally makes us feel uncomfortable. In my experience, every woman I know at work cringes when he walks by. We use this name to kind of make ourselves laugh and to make him a little less creepy.

The Penske File
Definition: A notebook or file folder you carry around to make it look like you are on the way to a meeting, when really you are going to your friend's office to hang out.

Named after a Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza takes a job and doesn't know what he is supposed to be doing, so he just keeps talking about this file, the Penske File is useless. But it makes everything you do look really important, just by carrying it around. One of my colleagues has a red file folder to serve as his Penske File -- it really stands out and it looks really important, standing out from the usual manila ones everyone else carries around.

The Phox
Definition: The hottest guy at work. (in the interest of full disclosure, not everyone agrees with my, I mean THE, assessment that he is the hottest, yet the name is universal.)

No explanation needed, really. Just wanted to note that when used in written form, for example in IM, it is spelled with a PH, not an F. In some cases, even, colleagues (ok, I) have been known to say that this guy "puts the PH in Phox."

Member of C's Club
Definition: An anti-semite

Named after a colleague (who's first name begins with the letter "C") who once accused me of belonging to a mythical "Jew Club" that gets all sorts of privileges, my colleagues and I call anyone who makes any anti-Semitic remarks, which btw, happens more than you would think, "A member of C's Club." I'll use it in a sentence -- "so-and-so was complaining that so many people were out of the office over Passover. I think he/she is a member of C's club."

Feel free to share any "unofficial lingo" from your job in the comments section.

News Round-up

2006-05-16T20:33:00.000-04:00

A quick survey of news items that caught my eye today. Some funny, some serious, some interesting, some just silly:

1) Bill Clinton on Canada's healthcare system:

The answer to Canada's health-care woes does not lie in the "insane" system in place south of the border, former U.S. president Bill Clinton said last night.

Can I mention how much I wish he could run for President again?

2) This article, misleadingly entitled: "Bird flu -- the battle could be over," which goes on to say that it isn't:

He warns that the killer virus, which emerged in South-East Asia in 2003, could still mutate into a more virulent strain which could become a human pandemic.

3) My pure, unadulterated dismay that Paris Hilton continues to be any kind of celebtiry; and my glee upon reading this article, which describes how she made an ass of herself at E3 -- the big gaming industry event:

On May 11, hotel heiress and socialite Paris Hilton not only showed up late to endorse her upcoming cell phone game, but she also called it by the wrong name. "Sorry I'm late. I'm really excited to have my new videogame, Diamond Quest," she announced proudly to the gawking crowds. Problem is, the name of the Gameloft game -- which appeared in large letters behind the celebrity -- is "Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam." Ouch! Night-vision goggles are not required to play this handheld puzzle diversion. Ahem.

4) How all the US phone companies -- Verizon is the latest -- are starting to deny that they turned phone records over to the NSA. If no one supplied them then where did they get them?

5) Palestinian gunmen storm mobile phone company, protesting that their cellphone service was cut off. The article goes on to talk about other shooting incidents today. And Abbas has extra security because there are indications that Hamas or Islamic Jihad might take him out. This ain't good for the Palestinians and it ain't good for Israel.

6) Blackbeard's cannon on display! I just think real-life contact with pirate relics is cool.

7) "Israeli dates (the food, not the maddening pendulum of excitement followed by disappointment when you learn that he is unnaturally attached to his dog, mother, college buddies, etc., which is endured by singles in their 30s) at the forefront of shift in market trends." An article on Israeli dominance in date production -- and the global conference on dates (again, the food, not the phenomenon) held in Israel this week and attended by date farmers from Egypt, Morocco and Abu Dhabi, among other place. Wacky!

8) Getty Museum returning some antiquities to Greece:

After four hours of talks here with the Greek culture minister, the director of the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles said Tuesday that he would press for the return of some of the Getty's most prized ancient artifacts to Greece.

I have always wondered how countries like Greece, Egypt, Italy, etc. feel about national treasures residing elsewhere. Wonder if this will open the door to other countries asking for their stuff back. And I don't know how I feel about that.

Will I ever learn?

2006-05-16T20:21:00.000-04:00

So when my company sent me to London for three+ months, I introduced my parents to Skype so we could talk often without breaking the bank. Immediately upon arriving in London, I realized that I should have given them a bit more direction on Skype etiquette.

I use Skype quite a bit to talk to colleagues all over the world, so I was often on conference calls on Skype, or talking to people about work stuff. But my parents assumed that if I was online, and they could see me, I could talk. So they would call all the time. And I would send them a text chat to tell them that I couldnt talk right then. But they would just keep calling and calling, not thinking to look at the blinking little box that appeared on their screen with a message from me. I finally got them to start sending me an IM first, asking if I could talk and after that, everything was fine.

Now, you would think I would remember this, but NO. They have been enjoying using Skype so much to call family and friends in Israel and Argentina, that when I saw this news today, about the ability to make calls to landline and mobile phones within the US and Canada for free with Skype, I thought I would let them know so they could call my aunts in New York and New Jersey, etc.

I should have known that they would take this as license to call ME. My work phone. My cell phone. My home phone. Why? Because they can. Now I know why my brother refuses to download Skype. Eh, at least I made them happy and we have a new Skype development to talk about.

Huh?

2006-05-15T19:55:00.000-04:00

Maybe this isn’t worthy of comment, but I’m gonna comment anyway. I’m going to talk about two articles – one that appeared in The Arab News, and one that appeared on Ynet – both reporting on the same thing. Namely, comments made by Palestinian President Abbas on Naqba (which means catastrophe), the day Palestinians mourn the founding of the State of Israel.

Here are the headlines:

Abbas Decries Israeli Excuses
and
Abbas Calls for Peace Talks

Guess which one is which. Here’s a hint – Arab News is not an Israeli newspaper.

Now, let me just note for a minute what Naqba Day commemorates. Not the Six Day War in 1967 when Israel captured the West Bank and Gaza, but the establishment of the State of Israel in 1948. That is their catastrophe. But more on that in a moment.

What stuck me initially is the amazingly different tone of these two articles. While one is fiery and angry, the other is strangely naïve given the circumstances.

Here’s a taste from the Arab News article:

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas yesterday called on Israel to resume negotiations and warned against Tel Aviv taking unilateral action. In a speech marking Nakba, the Day of Catastrophe for Palestinians when Israel was founded 58 years ago…

“Let’s make this year the year of peace, let’s sit at the negotiations table away from the policy of diktats and unilateralism. Stop making excuses there’s no Palestinian partner, the partner is there,” Abbas, now on a visit to Russia, said in a pre-recorded address…

In his speech, Abbas warned Israel that unilaterally setting “final borders” with a Palestinian state, as Olmert has pledged to do by 2010 if peace talks cannot be resumed, risked provoking a deeper spiral of violence.

Now, I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sound like “decrying excuses” to me. But it does sound weak, stupid and like a crock of shit. Perhaps I am picky, but it seems to me that calling for peace with a country in a speech written specifically to mark a day of mourning for the founding of said country is -- how shall I put this? -- RIDICULOUS.

If you’re really after peace, how about starting with getting rid of this “day of mourning”? And yet, many global news sources covered this “call for peace” seriously. Can you imagine the reaction if Olmert called for a return to negotiations during a “Palestinians Don’t Exist” Parade? (note to those not in the know – we don’t actually have such parades. But apparently, that would be acceptable… Oh wait, no it wouldn’t. Israel has to play by different rules.)

Now, read some selections from the almost-laughable Ynet coverage of the same speech:

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas on Monday called for Israel to return to the negotiating table in a speech marking the anniversary of what the Palestinians consider to be the “Catastrophe,” or the Naqba, of Israel’s creation. Unlike in past years, Palestinians have not planned massive demonstrations on the day marking the anniversary of the event, and Abbas used the occasion to appeal to the Israelis with a message of peace that discouraged unilateral steps…
(MY NOTE: apparently, the lack of mass demonstrations is considered progress. This is what Israel has to cling to. They have small parades and speeches broadcast on Palestinian TV, and demonstrations like this one found on AbbaGav's site... see "second misconstruance" -- rather than massive demonstrations. Good times!)
…”I tell our neighbors, the Israelis, that we want to make a just and lasting peace with you, and we want a better future for our children and yours. So come to make this year a year of peace,” He said in a recorded speech set to be broadcast later Monday on Palestinian television and radio…

…In his speech, Abbas signaled to Hamas that it must change its ways and pursue a path of diplomacy. “The PLO, which led our people in its most difficult times, would not have survived until now, or received international recognition, had it not been forthcoming in formulating courageous political initiatives,” He said.

Um… Hello Ynet editors?! Do you consider Naqba events nothing more than a handy journalistic tool to let the reader know what day of the year it is? I mean, really. How can this call for peace be covered seriously? Believe me, I am tired of this, too. I want something positive to happen. But sadly, I don’t think this is it.

Back on the Wagon

2006-05-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

OK, so it's been an inordinately long time since I posted. And I probably don't have any readers anymore. But I'm ready to get out there and start writing again and hope someone stumbles on my thoughts and tells two friends. And they tell two friends. And so on... and so on. (OK, I can picture the shampoo bottle from this ad from like the 70s, but can't think of the brand name. It was green... shout out to anyone who remembers.)

Since I posted last, I've been to Lisbon, Portugal and Helsinki, Finland. Both amazingly cool places that I need to see again. I've also been to Las Vegas, which I've seen a million times. I won my usual $100. Which is what I usually win, since I don't have the stomach for gambling. Once I'm up $100, I feel like its time to walk away and be glad for what I've got. Sad, no?

Anyway, this is just my post declaring my return, so I'll wrap it up. And start writing interesting stuff from now on.

Maastricht Review

2006-03-23T07:04:00.000-05:00

I love the city of Masstricht in the Netherlands. It's beautiful and very very cool from a history perspective. The river area is gorgeous and has very cool Roman historical sites, which I love.

The downtown market area is also great. Beautiful architecture as well as very cool, hip shops with some very cool design. I strongly recommend it, and I plan to go back in the Summer when the weather is good and you can really enjoy the river and walking around.

From a restaurant perspective, I had one of the best meals I have had in a long time at Les Trois Seaux, a fantastic fish restaurant with amazing food, great wine and a terrific atmosphere. Make a note -- their address is Markt 41 in Masstricht and I highly recommend it.

What I don't recommend is proceeding to a bar after a long dinner during which each attendee probably drank a whole bottle of wine each. Although the beer was good, the people friendly and the company superb, its a bad idea the night before a meeting. Sales guys -- they always being me down.

Parental Advisory

2006-03-22T07:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the posting delay! On Friday, my parents arrived for nine fun-filled days in my small one bedroom apartment. Which is mostly a lot of fun, but does not afford me much privacy to write (or anything, really!)

Last night, I returned exhausted from two days in Germany and the Netherlands – long meeting schedule, train trips, flights delayed, all sorts of travel mishaps, just wanting to take a bath, order room service and go to bed. And when I walked in the door, my parents were literally waiting by the door in their coats – “Let’s go to a pub for dinner! We’ve been waiting for you! We want to take you out! You probably need a beer! etc.” Was so sweet but so the opposite of what I wanted at that moment in time. (Look for a subsequent post, probably later today, in which you will learn that I was totally hungover and wanted to die, actually, not go to a pub and have another beer!)

I love having them here, and they're great. It's just that whenever they are not out and about touring, they want to spend every moment with me. If I open up my laptop, my dad will literally come sit next to me to see what I am typing. If I go to the bathroom, I will hear them calling out to ask "where are you?" It's a one-bedroom apartment! Where do they think I am? So my writing will be a bit sporadic... but I have no doubt, worth it.

Some parental visit highlights for your amusement --

My dad's constant asking in every pub whether they have "any beer at all that is served cold?" And he knows the answer -- that British cold beer
isn't American cold beer. But yet, he enjoys the exchange for some insane reason!

My Mom's obsession with taking photos of the kids with mohawks at Camden Market. Hilarious, but oh-so-kooky parental!

Their shared love of the supermarket. They go to Tesco every day to
buy hilarious stuff. Chocolate-covered ginger biscuits, taramasalata and
croissants one day. Dove soap, orange juice, cheddar cheese and plums the next. Evcery day -- some other weird amalgamation of purchases!

And of course, their well-meaning but slightly amusing obsession with my having a good breakfast. Usually, my breakfast consists of coffee and
cigarettes. Occasionally, a yogurt. My father wakes up every morning
to make me a full on breakfast complete with omelette before they leave for their sightseeing. It's so funny. On Monday, when I had to leave for
the airport early, they got up early to make breakfast and eat with me before I left on my trip. Was so sweet (and hilarious!)

Next up: Why traveling with sales people is bad news for your liver. Plus, how cool are the Dutch?

Craziness at Starbucks

2006-03-16T07:07:00.000-05:00

I was having some internet issues earlier today, so went to Starbucks to use the hotspot and get some work done.

So I'm minding my own business, working on my laptop when this guy comes in and sits at the table next to mine. He is wearing a suit and a pinky ring. And he is trying to chat with me despite the fact that I am clearly working on something.

Now, maybe, if I wasn't stressed about not having internet in my place and trying to meet some deadlines, I might have started to chat with him, but I didn't really have the time. So I just smiled politely and kept on working.

Suddenly he picks up his cellphone and "makes a call." (I use parentheses because I am not totally convinced he actually called anyone) He then proceeds to LOUDLY exclaim the following:

"Listen, Man. I am NOT going back to Baghdad. I don't care how
much they want me back. I don't care if they give me personal 24 hour a
day bodyguards. I need a life and that place will f**k you up! Are
you at the American Embassy? Oh, the British one? OK. Yeah,
well tell them I'm not coming back, OK? Yeah, thanks."

Apparently, this was designed to get everyone's attention because he then leans over to me and says, "Hi, I just got back from Baghdad. Don't ever go there. That place will f**k you up."

He is clearly waiting for me to ask, so I say, "Oh, what were you doing in Baghdad?" He responds that he was "consulting." And then asks what I do. I respond that I work in marketing for a company in the wireless space. He says, "Oh wow. I do marketing for wireless, too. Ringtones, stuff like that" So of course, I can only respond, "IN BAGHDAD?!" Because clearly that makes no sense.

But little did I know that he was saving his BIG GUNS in an attempt to really impress me. He leans in close, and then YELLS OUT (why someone leans in to yell in your face, I have no idea...) "Actually, I was working for Halliburton!" and sits back and waits for me to be blown away. As if that would impress, rather than horrify me.

I mention that this is not impressive and he says, "Oh, are you familiar with Halliburton?" (I stifle the desire to tell him that unlike him, I am not an idiot.) Then follows it up by asking if I am American. (As if my accent doesn't make it obvious.) When I respond in the affirmative he tells me that he carries American, British, Canadian, Belgian and Dutch passports. I find this claim dubious but respond, "that's nice."

He then asks my name. When I answer him, he says, "Oh, are you Israeli?" When I say that my parents are he confides, "I have an Israeli passport, too." Which seem farfetched, especially given his recent time in Baghdad and the fact that no one has 6 passports unless they bought most of them. He may have realized because he next screams out, "You know the Israelis are all over Baghdad. The eye in the sky." Whatever the hell that means!

At the risk of being non-PC, may I just add here that there was a very devout Muslim family in the Starbucks when he yelled out this "Eye in the Sky" stuff -- so devout that even the wife's EYES were covered. (like she would have totally passed muster under the Taliban) and they, along with everyone else were STARING and talking about him. (Everyone in the place was pointing and talking quietly, and I can only pray they felt sorry for me, rather than thinking that I am also crazy or somehow was encouraging him to spout this nonsense) I'm sure this family were thrilled to hear this guy screaming about Halliburton, Iraq and Israel's "eye in the sky"! No wonder there's a culture clash -- Canadian/American/Europeans appear to be brash idiots with multiple passports who lie and scream and make no sense.

He then asks how old I am. When I say 36, he responds, "Really? Wow. I'm 36 too!" Like this is an amazing coincidence and we're fated to meet. He follows up with "are you dating anyone?" I of course use my years of experience deflecting crazies and lie and say yes... But that does not deter him.

He starts looking for more things we have in common. (Meanwhile, I am pointedly IMing, emailing and generally trying to seem busy on my laptop, but he doesn't care...)

He asks what countries I have traveled to. My last trip was to Budapest, so I offhandedly, while typing, say "I was recently in Budapest." Of course, he "also has family from Budapest." In fact, "he was just thinking that I look very Hungarian" -- which I am not and do not, by the way. If I had said Alaska, or Zimbabwe, I'm sure he would have had a connection there too.

He then asks where I went to school. I say Brandeis and although he does not claim to have gone there, he does know tons of people who did. He asks if I have attended any synagogues in London. I say that I am not very observant and he says "Oh, neither am I, I was just wondering if you were. I can't believe how much we have in common. Is the guy you're dating in the UK or the US?" Hello, non-sequitir.

This craziness of manufacturing things we have in common goes on and on... and he is SCREAMING about Iraq and Halliburton and Israel and his 9000 passports. And all I want to do is run away. Especially since he has asked for my phone number a number of times now and I know that there is no way I can continue to get out of giving it to him.

I IM a colleague and ask him to call me immediately. He calls me and says "What's going on?" thinking I want to talk about a work issue. I say "You want me back in the office? They moved the deadline up?" (this colleague is nowhere near the office, BTW) He is of course confused so I say, "Ok, I'm just chatting with this guy at Starbucks, but I'll wrap it up and come right in. I'll be there in 20 minutes." Thankfully, my colleague is quick and he understood from my clue what was going on. In fact, he called back a few minutes later to make sure I escaped. I owe him a huge debt of gratitude!

But now I need to find a new Starbucks... I have a feeling Mr. Halliburton United Nations 36 year old Crazy will be back. And he's gonna want my phone number.

Music Bias

2006-03-12T15:34:00.000-05:00

I always feel like the US is somehwat unique in the way people just sort of pick a genre of music -- like hip hop, alternative, classic rock, whatever -- and simply identify themselves as fans of that particular type of music. Like as if the huge Pearl Jam fan you know doesn't secretly have a BellBivDevoe tape or cassingle of Young MC's "Bust a Move" left over from college that they listen to when no one is around.

Now I know that this is a huge generalization, so don't go writing comments saying I'm a "snob" or "generalizing" or whatever, or accusing me of having said BellBivDevoe tape. I freely admit to liking a bizarre mix of genres. I'm just setting the stage for what I have seen in many other countries I have travelled to, and which I witnessed during last week's trip to Athens and Budapest.

People in other countries just don't seem as constricted by music genre labels. A radio station abroad (let's say in Germany) could feasibly play Rage Against the Machine, followed by a song from Grease folowed by Air Supply followed by Ricky Martin followed by some song from Romania. And no one would think this was odd.

In the US, on the other hand, these songs would not cross over outside of their traditional "format" based on the station -- and some of them would never be heard at all.

Some examples from this past trip:

1) In a meeting, a Hungarian guy told me that his three favorite bands are Deep Purple, Pink Floyd and Black Eyed Peas. Seriously.

2) During a 15 minute taxi ride in Athens I heard the following on the radio: A Greek pop song (which was very cool by the way), INXS, "You're the One that I Want" from Grease, "Son of a Preacher Man", and Madonna.

3) I was told that the most downloaded music in Hungary comes from two genres: Hungarian Folk Music and Dance/Electronica -- and the demographics for these are virtually the same.

Are we just too self-concious in the US? Do we just feel like everything we do -- clothes, food, musical taste, etc. -- must make a statement and place us in our perceived "social sphere" at all times? Why do we make instant judgements about people based on the music they listen to? And why do we abandon so much music after a few months? I'm not saying everyone does these things, but it does seem uniquely American to say "I'm a 90s music person," or "That song is so Adult Contemporary." (OK, so I admit I've actually uttered the last one...)

I just can't imagine meeting an American who claims Deep Purple, Pink Floyd and Black Eyed Peas as their favorite bands. And sometimes, its nice to hear some random unexpected tune come on after the latest and greatest. It helps you to remember songs you really liked a long time ago, or the time back in 1981 you and your cousin developed dance routines to every song on a particular Abba album.

Hungarian Politics

2006-03-11T14:10:00.000-05:00

So I also went to Hungary on this last trip, and I'll write all about the cool stuff I saw and how much I liked it in a subsequent post, but first, I just HAVE to write about this fantastic article I read in the Budapest Times -- an English language paper I found in my hotel room when I checked in.

I have located it online, so you can read the whole thing here, if you like. It has got what I believe is one of the best headlines I have ever read in a non-satirical news outlet: Fidesz accuses Gyurcsány of saying “Hungary can blow me” -- have you ever seen a better headline?!?!

Here's an excerpt, copied word for word from the article:

The main opposition party last Thursday continued its negative election campaign against the ruling Hungarian Socialist Party (MSZP) with a claim that Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsány told the nation to “blow him.”

Fidesz political communications director, Tamás Deutsch-Für, referred to a picture in which Gyurcsány appeared to be pointing his thumb in the general direction of his crotch.

“Hungary can blow me [Magyarország bekaphatja],” said Deutsch-Für. “This is what Gyurcsány was saying with this gesture.”

Deutsch-Für called for a press conference to interpret the photograph, taken in Karcag, central Hungary, saying that Gyurcsány made the “foulest possible” gesture in response to criticism from locals.

This is fantastic. I wish American newspapers spent more time at press conferences analyzing the gestures (and idiotic facial expressions) of American politicians. The tone and seriousness of this article just made me realize that I would have a good time in Hungary even before I actually unpacked my suitcase and headed out into the city.

Oh, and I also appreciate that I now know (as a result of the helpful translation in the article) how to say "Hungary can blow me" if I ever get into an altercation with a Hungarian.

My Big Fat Greek Trip

2006-03-11T09:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so not an original post headline, but I've got a lot of ground to make up and couldn't be bothered to be original. I was traveling all last week and didn't post at all (which some of you have kindly pointed out -- a few times -- via email.) So I'll start with my trip to Athens.

I was in Athens for business. Arrived Tuesday night for a Wednesday morning meeting. After a few drinks with my colleagues, we met some people from one of our partners for dinner. Apparently, it IS possible to get a bad Greek meal in Athens. Was so so disappointing. But Greece itself is amazing. The people are wildly friendly -- in fact, they refer to everyone as "my friend" -- as in "My friend, where are you from?" or "My friend, where would you like to go?" or "My friend, to the right is the Acropolis."

On Wednesday morning we got in a taxi for the drive to our meeting. We get in and the driver is like, "What time is your meeting?" We say 10 and he responds, "Oh, don't worry, in Athens there is a lot of traffic, so they really mean 'about 10.' You actually have until 10:30 to get there." And he wasn't kidding. it took almost an hour to go 6 km.

On the way, I had one stupid American experience. I'm sitting in the back of the taxi, kinda zoning out and tired, when we pass this gorgeous building with Greek letters on it. My first thought is, "Wow. That's a nice fraternity house," before I realize that actually I am an idiot and its a government building, not a freaking US college fraternity house. Damn those freaking homophobic fake college clubs that ruin the GREEK LANGUAGE, and make me look like an ass. Thankfully, I didn't say anything out loud, but I don't even like looking like an ass to myself.

The other cool thing about taxi drivers in Athens is that they like to serve as tour guides, and you can't drive around Athens without seeing something cool, like the Acropolis, the Temple of Zeus or the stadium where they held the first modern Olympic games.

Had a much better dinner at the harbor the second night and even got a taxi driver to take me to the Acropolis and wait for me to climb up and see it before taking me to the airport on Thursday. I am definitely going back!

Not The Onion

2006-03-05T06:48:00.000-05:00

Amazingly, this story, about Geraldo Rivera wanting to emigrate to Israel and run for Knesset is not from The Onion, but a real news story.

Can I just point out that I mentioned Geraldo on this blog a week or so ago? Apparently, I am psychic. Hey Geraldo, did you get some sort of tip that Al Capone's valuts were actually in Israel? I think Israel can do without anyone affiliated with Fox News, but that's just me...

More Insane TV

2006-03-04T17:22:00.001-05:00

As Alex so wisely pointed out to me, the posts regarding TV on my blog tend to get the most comments and action (and have helped make me numero uno on Google for the search term "Insane TV"). So with that in mind, I'm going to talk TV yet again.

This time, though, I'm gonna start with an Insane TV commercial. Specifically, one for "Fairy"- a dishwashing detergent. You can view the ad for the Active Burst Tabs here. What makes a dishwahser tablet ad so insane, you ask? Perhaps it is the presence of three male celebrity chefs, eating dinner, arguing about who will do the "washing up" and then allowing "the fairy" to do it. Is it me? I didn't realize these guys were actual celebrity chefs until I studied up on it, so I was a bit taken aback. Now, I'm just amused. I'm also wondering whether or not this was intentional. In any case I am pretty sure this ad would not have happened in the US.

Next instance of "Insane TV" -- the importation of another American Freakshow -- Amish in the City. Apparently this show aired on UPN in like 2004? Although I was lucky enough to miss it then, I caught the first episode today. And it's what you think it is -- an MTV Real World-type house that brings together 6 "regular" (if you can call these charicatures of people "regular") twenty-somethings and 5 Amish young adults on their "rumspringa" (or time off from being Amish before they become full-fledged adult members of their community) to live in LA.

The most horrific part of this show (among many) is the embarassing behavior of the so-called "regular" people, including the busboy with the painful South Boston accent, the "cool guy" who shaves the chest of one of the Amish guys on the first night, and the girl who immediately calls the Amish girls "competition" the minute they shed their bonnets. And sadly, I fear you're supposed to root for the Amish people to forsake their traditions and instead embrace the lives of these fools at the end. My only real comment on this show is, "WHY?!"

Food Hall Fun

2006-03-04T14:59:00.000-05:00

I spent a fabulous afternoon in the Harrod's Food Hall today. I love that place. (The Krispy Kreme stall -- complete with HUGE line -- notwithstanding. Can someone please explain that to me? How Krispy Kreme made it into the Harrod's Food Hall? What's next? Dunkin' Donuts? Arby's?) Anyway, other than that, there's something about that space that causes all sense of reason to go out the window. But its just so fabulous, you can't help youself.

I went absolutely nuts. Teas, pastries, cheeses and a bunch of prepared foods. I got to one stand and they had the most amazing-looking prepared middle-eastern dishes and I went wild. Bought everything I wanted.

My dad called me this evening and I was telling him all about it. Going on and on... How I bought falafel, and stuffed grape leaves and tabouleh and moussaka'a, etc. And as I'm teling him the story, I'm like, "yeah, it was only a pound twenty per grape leaf and a pound per falafel, and I got a ton. I'm gonna have to make sure I don't eat it all at once." And my dad is laughing, saying, "You paid $2 per falafel ball? Are you nuts? I hope you love them!"

So apparently, I got sucked into the mania that is the Harrod's Food Hall... and that's OK. Next time, I might skip the falafel, though...

More Cartoon Craziness

2006-02-26T18:49:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I can't believe I'm posting YET ANOTHER crazy story about cartoons, but apparently, dissecting cartoondom is now in vogue. If brown was last season's black, then apparently, cartoons are this season's brown.

With a hat tip to The Sandmonkey, I'd like to direct you to this post at Respectful Insolence, entitled "Tom & Jerry: a nefarious Jewish plot." Apparently, at Iran's universities, they are teaching that Jews are controlling the minds of children and spreading propaganda through Tom & Jerry.

Honestly, this one has me stumped. (I thought for sure no one would figure that one out... I mean, we've been hiding that little mind control strategy since 1940 when the cartoon debuted. It's only taken 66 years. Mazal Tov, Mr. Iranian Professor, on your incredible stick-to-it-iveness and powers of deductive reasoning.)

Read the article, though. It's pretty funny (if you forget to be scared for minute) and the comments at the end are excellent, too.

As promised, I'll keep bringing you the cartoon action as it happens.

ps -- Superfriends is also a Jewish plot. Aquaman. Israel has a coastline. Get it? Just wanted to save you a few decades and let you in on that one now.

Bollocks!

2006-02-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

Hahahaha! Johnny Rotten slays me.
Read this article headlined: Bollocks to fame, we're the Sex Pistols.

Best quote:
Next to the SEX PISTOLS, rock and roll and that hall of fame is a piss stain.

US Ports Flap

2006-02-25T07:22:00.000-05:00

You know, when Al Jazeerah writes an editorial, it would be helpful if the writer wasn't INSANE. Now, I know you are sitting there saying, "Um, did you really expect them NOT to be insane?" but I'm telling you, this one takes the cake.

In this OpEd in which the writer -- surprise, surprise -- calls the opposition to the UAE-based company running US ports racist, the most obvious instance of insanity is the following quote:

The deal's opponent claim that Dubai Ports World is owned by a foreign government whose nationals were involved in September 11 attacks on the U.S., but nobody cited similar concern when the ports were under the management of a British firm, despite the fact that some “terrorists” have also carried British passports. No concerns were ever raised about the UK involvement in the U.S. ports, although the British Army once burned Washington.

Now, leaving aside the audacious use of quotataion marks around the word terrorists, as if people who fly planes into buildings and blow up trains aren't terrorists, can we just spend a minute on this argument about the British Army burning Washington DC? This occurred in the year 1814. Not 2001. Are they idiots?

Sadly, the masses who turn to Al Jazeerah for their news probably won't know when the War of 1812 took place, so I suppose they might think it happened on Clinton's watch, before Bush and Blair fell in love.

I'm not going to comment here on the overriding issue, because I'm conflicted in how I feel about this controversy. On the one hand, discriminating against a country because of its ethnic/religious make-up is wrong (and if I don't want that done to Israel, I can't advocate it being done to other countries), on the other, it's not like this is just random racism.. There do seem to be security issues involved...

But I WILL comment on Al Jazeerah's stupidity. Go ahead and make your argument, but come on. 9/11 + 7/7 does not equal 1812. Not even close. And in saying it does, you just look STUPID.

Tag, You're It!

2006-02-23T16:36:00.000-05:00

So I first started this blog intending it to be read only by my friends (well, maybe 50% of my friends). Then I started getting readers from all over the world that I didn't know, and I thought that was cool. Shortly after that, some other bloggers linked to me, and I got in touch with some other bloggers and I thought, "Cool. I'm part of a community."

And now, I've been introduced to a new blogging tradition -- the meme -- by AbbaGav. What this means is that I've got to answer the below list of questions, then tag four other bloggers. Who knew this would be so much work?! In the spirit of being a productive member of my new blogging community, here goes:

1) Black & White, or Color: How do you prefer your movies?

Considering my favorite movie of all time -- Casablanca -- comes only in b&w, I'm gonna have to go with that. That being said, I can't imagine another of my faves -- Good Fellas -- in anything but color.

2) What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?

Brangelina

3) MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: How do you like your music?

MP3s, although one of the best things about MP3s is the fact that I can use them to burn CDs for people and for my commute -- a new one every day to match my mood, if I want to.

4) You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going … Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?

This is a tough one. Every fiber of my being is screaming, "say yes!" but I don't think I could do it without telling (and taking!) my friends and family.

5) Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?

I like the spirit of AbbaGav's answer: "The growing divide between Islam and the Western world" but I'm gonna take it further/broader and say, the increasing polarization of the world in general, even as technology is supposedly making earth a "global village." Traveling here in Europe, talking to people of diverse backgrounds and reading the news, I am troubled by a culture of blame, an increasing "us & them" attitude and a focus on issues or taking sides rather than on people. If humanity can't get past that, we're screwed.

6) How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?

If I knew how to do that, I'd have a much more important job than I currently do.

7) You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life. What would that be?

I would have moved to Israel right after graduating from high school, done my army service and stayed there.

8) You have the chance to go back and change one event in world history. What would that be?

It's not original, and I'm copying both AbbaGav
and his tagger, Scottage but I would prevent the Holocaust.

9) A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry. Which would you choose?

The opera. The fancy dress. A wildly romantic opera like La Traviata. And waterproof mascara.

10) What is the one great unsolved crime of all time that you'd like to solve?

I'd like to find out who robbed Geraldo of his moment in the sun by emptying out Al Capone's vaults.

11) One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be and what would you serve?

J.D. Salinger, no question. And I'd make paella. He would love my paella.

12) You discover that John Lennon was right -- there is no hell below us and above us is only sky. What's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?

Wait, do Jews even believe in hell? I don't, so this revelation wouldn't make one bit of difference to me.

Now I am supposed to tag four other bloggers. I am a bit unsure of the etiquette here. I believe the tagging process is driven mostly to highlight other blogs and provide links, introducing visitors to other blogs I find interesting or noteworthy.

Still, some of the writers of the those blogs do not necessarily know me... So what to do? I am going to assume that they will appreciate the link, and make their own choice as to whether to participate. If I've breached etiquette by tagging you without having communicated with you before (or you've done this before and don't want to do it again), please accept my apology and know that I tag because I love...

OnlyInIsrael
EgyptianSandmonkey
DovBear
An Unsealed Room

New Cartoon Crisis

2006-02-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

Now that recent events have elevated the importance of cartoons in today's global marketplace, lawmakers are looking closely at the broad spectrum of cartoondom, and passing important legislation to regulate this powerful medium.

China has thrown down the gauntlet and said, "cartoons must follow the conventions WE decide upon." Lest you think this is a "freedom of speech vs. religion" issue, let me put your mind at ease. We're not going to rehash the Mohammed cartoons again. It's actually a "humans and drawings intermingling" issue.

China's TV regulator announced today that "so-called cartoons that mainly feature real people and only occasionally have computer-generated elements" (that's an actual quote!) are hereby banned. Initially, this appears to affect the Teletubbies and showings of 1988's tour de force, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

I'm not sure why this is necessary, but who am I to question Chinese regulators, especially since neither Jessica Rabbit nor Po seem to have come out in opposition nor begun organizing demonstrations. (I'll need to do some more digging to find out whether there is a movement afoot to use the Chinese flag as toilet paper, or kindling.)

Watch this space for further cartoon-regulation news. I can't even believe I just typed that...

Honored

2006-02-21T16:50:00.000-05:00

So while I was away, and not paying attention last week, AbbaGav honored me by including my post -- Make Sense? -- in Haveil Havalim, the rotating weekly round-up of notable writing from Jewish bloggers. This week, the round-up is hosted by Soccer Dad here.

I only wish I had been paying attention and offered new visitors to my site something new and exciting to read. (Oh, the pressure!) Instead, they got to read about my business trips. Not that interesting to people who don't know me (or dare I say it, even to people who DO know me... but my friends have to pretend that they care...)

In any case, whether you are Jewish or not, there is some great writing being highlighted, so please check it out -- and I will try to provide a link to the latest host each week. You'll enjoy the reading, and you might learn something, too.

And thanks to AbbaGav for the shout-out. (and raising the bar!)

The Centre!

2006-02-21T06:28:00.000-05:00

In my continuing quest to be responsive to my readers, who like their political rants tempered with stupid, Beavis & Butthead style humor, I offer the second installment in the occasional feature entitled, "Funny Signs in London." I apologize for the quality, but this was taken from a moving taxi with a camera phone. You get the gist. And no, male readers, if you come to visit, I will not take you to "the centre" -- you're gonna have to find it on your own. Enjoy!

Boycott?

2006-02-20T12:36:00.000-05:00

I know, I know -- the cartoon thing is getting old, but I couldn't help but notice that this cartoon ran on the Saudi Arab News site yesterday. Apparently, they are saying that Jewish people chop the ears off other people and collect them.

This is offensive to me. I am planning to boycott Saudi products. Hmmm, since I don't have a car here in London, boycotting gasoline would be an empty gesture. So, I will need to boycott..... ummm, I have no idea. Maybe I'll just send them some paper cups?!

Back!

2006-02-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

Whew! After two+ weeks of business travel, it's nice to be back at home base. I left London on February 3 to spend a weekend at home in Boston before heading to a company meeting in Florida. The surreal nature of spending the next two weeks with coworkers ALL THE TIME was bit much to bear... Although Florida did have some bright spots, including watching my boss dance like the white man he is! We had a company event at some antique car museum (don't ask!) and when the DJ played AC/DC's Back in Black, he MADE me dance with him. It was quite an experience.

From Florida, I spent half a day at home, getting massive amounts of dental work and then hopped a plane for Barcelona, where I once again had "all work all the time". I think I may have gotten myself in a bit of trouble the night I stayed out drinking until 4 am (including helping to empty a colleague's mini bar) before an 8 am meeting. Good thing I'm charming or I might be unemployed.

After the tradeshow ended, my friend Margie joined me in Barcelona. I'm embarrassed to admit that we didn't do much over the weekend other than eat and sleep, but I did manage to buy two fabulous handbags while I was there!

Fireworks in Barcelona

2006-02-12T11:36:00.000-05:00

I'm in Barcelona after spending half a day in Boston (in transit). I used my few hours in Boston to go to the dentist. Apparently, when they gave me novocaine, they hit a nerve, resulting in a good 5 hours of an inability to speak, eat or drink any liquids whatsoever. My attempts at ordering a smoothie were rather embarrassing, as I tried to take a sip in the store and ended up with the drink all over my sweater... Good times.

At least I can eat and drink now that I'm in Barcelona. Last night, my co-worker made me walk all over the city with her while she looked for "interesting socks" -- seriously. Interesting socks. Ummm, ok?

She also kept talking about terrorism. I tried to explain to her that to the best of my knowledge, no newspapers in Barcelona printed the Mohammed cartoons, but she insisted that we should be vigilant. (BTW, CNN Europe's coverage seems to now be composed 50% of bird flu and 50% of the cartoons)

So about 10 minutes after this "terrorism" conversation, we're walking down the street and we see a parade. She starts getting all nervous, because she fears the terrorists will attack the parade. She even says to me, "We should get off this street. It's unsafe to be among crowds as that is where terrorists are most likely to hit." Now, starting tomorrow we're going to be at a tradeshow of like 40,000 people, but she's worried about parades.

Meanwhile, this is a main shopping thoroughfare, but she's convinced someone is going to attack the parade. Just as she's trying to hustle me off the street, some firecrackers go off as part of the parade -- she FREAKS OUT and starts screaming, "I told you so!" Meanwhile, I am on the ground laughing hysterically as all the little children on the street are pointing at the grown woman who is afraid of firecrackers.

Where in the world?

2006-02-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post to let you know I am traveling for work untl Feb. 20, so the posts may be sporadic for a few weeks. Keep checking back, though, because when I have time, I will let you all know about AC/DC, Leroy Brown, my informal global TV show poll and many other things that I am sure will be hilarious.

Make Sense?

2006-02-05T17:18:00.000-05:00

When a Danish newspaper publishes offensive cartoons, assuming you choose non-violent means to protest (rather than, say, burning down embassies...), who does it make sense to target? Here are your choices:
1) The publisher of the newspaper ?
2) The entire industry of the country where the paper is published?
3) All of Europe?

WRONG AGAIN -- it was a trick question. Obviously, you'll want to take full advantage of this opportunity to lash out at the Jews! Especially if you happen to live in Europe and would find it rather inconvenient to (a) never buy anything in the country you live in again and (b) be arrested for burning down buildings in the EU when you actually live in the EU.

That's right, apparently, The Arab-European League decided to fight back against the offensive Mohammed cartoons by publishing a cartoon of Anne Frank in bed with Hitler, some Holocaust-doubting cartoons and other lovely anti-Jewish comics as "an exercise in free speech." Read about it here. And by the way, just so you save yourself the trouble, I googled this topic eight different ways and apparently, the only non-Israeli news outlet who thought to cover this is in Canada. For coverage, check out the web sites of Ynetnews, Haaretz or the Jerusalem Post. The leader of the AEL, btw, also suggested Muslims use the Danish flag as toilet paper. Seriously. At least according to the Iranian News Agency -- read about it here.

So you're probably thinking, as I was, that some of the cartoonists, or the publisher of the paper, or someone else involved in getting the cartoons out there was Jewish. You know, a kind of "you insulted me, I'll insult you, and see how you feel" lesson. Well, I googled that 20 different ways, and couldn't find evidence of that either. And given that Denmark is overwhelmingly Christian, I'm not surprised. So please tell me, what is the purpose of this "exercise in free speech?"

I actually found the original Mohammed cartoons racist and offensive. But I also believe in free speech. I do think that there were ways that Muslims could have made their voices heard. But threatening Europeans, burning down embassies and dragging a group that has nothing to do with this is undermining the cause. And is showing that extremist groups within the Muslim world never miss an opportunity to share their own brand of racism with the world. That is, if anyone other than other Jews bother to notice this latest crazy reaction to the controversy.

BTW, the AEL's cartoons are on the group's web site, along with some really smarmy language about "free speech" but I just can't bring myself to provide a link.

It Haunts Me

2006-02-05T13:49:00.000-05:00

I'm in Boston -- for a quick weekend before heading to a company meeting in Florida, then off to Barcelona for work, and some pleasure as well.

So today is Superbowl Sunday, a fact that totally escaped me before I came home, as they don't publicize that sort of thing in the UK. So the "other" TV channels are running specials to try and capture viewers who don't watch the Superbowl. And guess what TNT is running all freaking day today? A CHARMED marathon. Because I don't get enough of that 5x a day in the UK.

I bet Liftetime is running a Golden Girls marathon, Sci-Fi Network is running a Quantum Leap marathon, Cartoon Network is running a Futurama marathon and Fashion TV is running a Tyra talk show marathon. Just my freaking luck.

More TV

2006-02-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

Based on my previous posts on TV, I imagine lots of people will have something to say about this one.

New revelations about British daytime TV

Apparently, Quincy and Kojak (with Telly Savalas, not Ving Rhames) are still alive and well here in the UK
Tyra Banks, who had a talk show that lasted about 4 episodes in the US, is referred to as "the queen of chat" here, and
apparently, she still tapes her shows in the US and exports them here, because it is on every day
I've just looked up and noticed a drama, that appears to be a regular show, about a Canadian Mounty. Does anyone know
what this show is called? Today's episode is about a wolf running around. It appears that the wolf is both the Mounty's pet/regular part of the show, and the focus of this episode's "crisis."

In the interest of full disclosure, by the way, I feel that I need to admit that yesterday, while waiting for the internet engineer to come fix things, I watched entire episodes of both Quantum Leap and Charmed, but only because I was wildly bored, couldn't use my computer, had been watching the news for 2 hours already, and was entirely stressed out about the internet situaion. Really. I swear.

Amusing News

2006-02-01T16:41:00.000-05:00

I did it again. Read the Saudi Arab News site. I don't know why I keep doing this, but I do. Most of the stories totally depressed me. And just as I was about to give up (I've already posted about the Danish boycott and Hamas), sure that I wouldn't find nothing new, I came upon this gem of a news item, titled, Family Drives Son Insane. Enjoy!

JEDDAH, 1 February 2006 — A divorced couple went to extremes in a battle over influence of their son by forcing him to marry four women in six months, the Al-Watan daily reported. It began when the father insisted the son marry a
woman from his side of the family. The mother retaliated insisting that he marry a girl from her side of the family. A wife from each side wasn’t enough for the father in the balance of power; he insisted on a third wife — you guessed it — from his side. Not to be outdone, the mother upped the ante by including another wife from her side. Finally cracking from unbearable family pressure, the son was admitted to a hospital for psychological treatment. He currently refuses to see his parents or his wives. Can anyone blame him?

Poke in the Eye

2006-02-01T13:12:00.000-05:00

You gotta love France. In my case, its because of their ability -- and propensity -- to poke people in the eye. Like, for example, A French newspaper's reprinting of the offending Mohammed cartoons that have resulted in death threats and boycotts against Danish citizens, businesses and interests across the Arab world. Read about it here.

As a result of its colonialist past, France has more Muslim residents than any other European country, and ps, I think they're still pretty angry about not being respected. At least you would think so given the riots that happened all over France not that long ago. Just a guess, really, but that's what I'm thinking.

And yet, they say to the Muslim world (and their Muslim citizens), "you make me laugh wis your seellee flag burnings and threats of death. Viva la liberte! Look at zee cartoons again!"

I mean, I'm as into free speech as anyone. But is it necessary to fan the flames? Its just so stupid. And so provacative. And so, so French. Gotta love it.

On a related note, I highly recommend another blog coming out of Cairo -- Egyptian Sandmonkey -- who's got a great, amusing, on the ground take on the whole Danish boycott and everything else under the sun. Check it out here.

Got Net!

2006-02-01T12:53:00.000-05:00

So I have Internet access again. Finally! Although it hasn't been without its challenges. I got my company into the act, and they threatened the hotel manager with moving me out and not paying. The hotel then wrote back to my company saying that I REFUSED to meet with their technician. I immediately sent off a nastygram (that coincided with my internet finally being fixed!) and I'm gonna share that with all of you because I am so proud of my angry writing skills.

Here it is:

I have just seen the email string regarding the internet situation. I categorically DID NOT refuse to see the technician on Monday. When he arrived, after waiting all day (and not having internet access for four days), I was on the phone with an important customer. When the staff came to tell me that the technician had arrived, I said that I was finishing my phone conversation (I had already lost quite a bit of work time and was frankly explaining to the customer why she had not received the documents she was requesting -- a direct result of my not being able to do work in my apartment).

I hung up in less than 10 minutes, went directly to the desk to ask to see the technician and was told that he left because there were no problems. I was not casually chatting with friends, but rather, trying to repair damage to a customer relationship that was a direct result of the issues I was having with the internet in my apartment.

This is a far cry from my "declining to see the technician and saying I was too busy." If you recall, from our conversation yesterday, I have been repeatedly ASKING to speak to the service provider. Given the level of stress I have undergone and my lost work time, it is absurd to suggest that I would not want to be involved in getting this resolved.

The technician has been here this morning, and for the moment, the internet access does appear to be working. However, I must say that this practice of "blaming the customer", not communicating and not following up, but rather pointing fingers and passing blame is not in line with the level of customer service I experienced prior to this incident. Other than CXXXX on the Royal Service Desk, my dealings with almost everyone else at the hotel in regard to this matter have been either disappointing, or downright infuriating.
I trust that now that my internet is working, and I have brought these issues to your attention, I will again experience the type of service for which the hotel is known and I had experienced prior to this unfortunate, drawn-out incident. Please feel free to contact me should you wish to discuss this further.

Feel free to use any part of this diatribe if you have any angry letters to write. And btw, I am still waiting for my complementary bottle of apology champagne...

Mourning

2006-01-31T18:01:00.000-05:00

Respect and mourning for Coretta Scott King. And a good reminder to reflect on the work her husband began, and she so tirelessly continued.

Tech Woes

2006-01-31T17:51:00.000-05:00

So for the past five days, I haven’t been able to access the internet from my apartment. I live in a hotel – 350 guest rooms and 120 apartments. When I moved in, I thought “what a sweet set-up – hotel amenities like concierge, excellent service, etc. – with apartment living.”

Well, things haven’t turned out that well. Today, after four days of not having internet access, and being confronted with people who sympathize, but don’t actually get the urgency of working remotely with our colleagues minus internet access (or worse, trying to do a full day’s work from Starbucks), I decided to take things into my own hands and literally stumbled my way into the back halls and hidden office areas of the hotel looking for someone to help me. Lots of people promised to help me, but it’s now 10:40 pm and I still have no internet access.

They set me up with a wi-fi account (which for tedious reasons I can’t bear to rehash, isn’t possible in my apartment) in the premier guest lounge, which was fun at first while I enjoyed smiling waitresses bringing me complimentary glasses of champagne while I worked, but quickly lost its luster.

Especially when, in the middle of trying to meet a deadline, a lovely retired gentleman sat down next to me and introduced himself. And then proceeded to describe his estate in Yorkshire, and the 8000 trees he’s planted on the property over the last 20 years – in e-x-c-r-u-c-i-a-t-i-n-g detail. He then directed me to a horticultural web site on my laptop and proceeded to go through different varieties of trees, clicking on the pictures and explaining the unique properties of each one.

He was lovely, and I very much wish that I had had the time to actually enjoy speaking with him. But instead, I had just come off a dramatic scene in the lobby with the apartments manager threatening to pack all of my things and leave if I didn’t get some resolution. I also went on a tirade about customer service, the amount of money my company is paying and the lack of urgency and respect the entire company had shown me. And finally, culminating in the dreaded, “I work in PR. I can ruin you with some well-placed phone calls to business and travel editors.” (I didn’t mention my career shift and the fact that I would have to get my former colleagues who still actually DO work in PR to make the calls, but whatever….

They promised to deal with it in the morning. I have a scary feeling I may be discussing gardening again for at least part of the day tomorrow. More champagne, please!

Hamas Fashion

2006-01-30T15:13:00.000-05:00

An annoying afternoon got quite funny when my friend Alex sent this picture and an amusing email:

I wish they would just get their plaids matched up. Maybe then I could focus on their rants.
And then the whole group she emailed was off and running. Here's some of the string, in order of receipt, going down the page:

My response:
OMG, am dying laffing. will be posting to the blog -- and
crediting you, of course!

Tim:
Now THAT'S a posting I'd like to see on the blog, worldgirl! Let's talk about important issues, like the one Alex raises. Mixing plaids are a tremendous hazard to society and need to be analyzed and dealt with post haste.

Me:
ah, so now i get it. if i mix politics and fashion, it is interesting.
if i stick to politics alone, i'm scr3wed.
gotcha

Tim:
I think you should propose a "help" group for those who need fashion advice when vetting their political views (or angst). It's important to dress the part when protesting.

Me:
but isn't there something to be said for telling between the good guys and the bad guys by their fashion choices?
Alex:
Yes. There can be no world peace without coordination and a
basic understanding of the color wheel. Everyone knows that dressing to kill isnt meant to be taken literally. Maybe we should get the fab five in there. Straighten things out, so to speak.

Liquid Party

2006-01-29T12:46:00.000-05:00

Our journalist friends at Zaman Daily in Turkey are either really funny or need better copy editors. In a story on reaction to the Hamas win, they refer to Benjamin Netanyahu as the leader of, not the Likud Party, but the Liquid Party. Check it out here.

Is this some attempt to highlight the differences between Israeli politicians, and Hamas, who are planning on implementing sharia law in the PA? Are they implying that the right wing party in Israel is all about the booze? Netanyahu: Liquid party and liquid lunches?

And while we're talking about sharia law in the PA, does anyone else find it amusing that while the new "leaders" in Hamas say they want to use sharia as the basis for their laws, they won't "force" people or close down bars that sell alcohol? Especially since about a month ago, Palestinian gunmen BLEW UP a UN bar catering to Westerners in Gaza precisely because it served alcohol?

Guess they won't be coming to Netanyahu's Liquid Party down on the beach next Saturday night. I hear that when he's not being self-aggrandizing or trying to whip people up, he mixes a great cosmo.

More Wow!

2006-01-29T12:32:00.000-05:00

Like I said last time we talked about this, men who smoke in England must be INSANE.

Now, I realize (at the risk of being sexist) that a lot men may be more concerned about impotence than infertility, but I would think that even the biggest "playahs" would not want to think about their sperm being "damaged," whether or not they were considering becoming daddies any time soon.

And this stuff is written in big black scary letters on every pack of cigarettes here. "Smoke and you will be a pitiful girly man in bed." "Smoke and your family name will die with you since your little buddies will be so damaged they won't be able to swim straight."

And yet, I see plenty of men smoking in the UK. As for the women, I haven't seen anything approaching this level of scary for us, so I'm wondering if perhaps smoking isn't all that bad for us? That's gotta be it, right?

Ireland Top 10

2006-01-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

Top 10 Reasons I Need to Go Back to Ireland Soon

10) When your cab driver tells you his life story in Ireland, it's actually interesting
9) Guinness actually tastes better there
8) People are so freaking friendly, you're almost suspicious at first, then you just enjoy it
7) Office complexes apparently have large, central bars playing great music which are jammed at lunchtime with people hanging out, having drinks and having a good time
6) Alex will be upset if she can't type "fookin' daft" again soon
5) There's nothing better than the accent (new favorite word, by the way -- amn't -- contraction of "am not." As in, "are you going to the pub? no, i amn't.")
4) People aren't rude, don't push and shove in lines and are just generally chill
3) It's beautiful
2) So much history everywhere you go
1) Real Irish boys vs. American Irish boys

Note to Self

2006-01-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Self,

Are you an idiot?

You neither live in Ireland, nor drink Guinness EVER, so why on earth would you stay up until 3:45 am going Guinness for Guinness with the locals? Especially since you had to present at a meeting with a business partner at 8:45 am? Have you learned nothing over these past 36 years? You're not 25 anymore, my friend.

Although I must commend you for waking up on time, not vomiting during your meeting and ordering fried fish, potatoes cooked three different ways, green beans and an endless supply of diet coke and cappuccino for lunch when you all went to another bar. It did set you up nicely to be a little less peaked during the afternoon session.

Nice work on turning what could have been a mess into a great meeting. And try not to do that again any time soon.

Love,
Self
xoxox

Hamas Win

2006-01-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

I can't not mention it. (But as promised, balanced this commentary with my whole "I love Dublin" post)

I'm depressed (but not surprised) about any prospects for peace, but hope I'm wrong.

Analysis on Slate.com includes this:

With Hamas democratically elected into power, a peace process leading to the formation of a Palestinian state is no longer a viable option—unless the organization completely changes its ways. Speaking this morning about the future Palestinian state, Bush seemed to emphasize the word "vision"—meaning something we can look forward to—more forcefully then he has in the past. For right now, though, we can expect Israel to consider further unilateral steps, encouraged by a U.S. administration that has no other options left.

Also, more info here.

My mom said yesterday (surprisingly) that she held out hope that Hamas would become more "realistic" as they participate in the political process. I hope my optimistic mother is right.

For the lighter side, check out AbbaGav's post on the Hamas victory here.

Dublin > Dusseldorf

2006-01-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

I'm in Dublin. I love Dublin. It's much better than Dusseldorf. At least in my opinion, although they are much lower on the funky glasses quotient here, but much higher in everything else.

Friendly friendly friendly! Long convo with taxi driver on everything under the sun. And by the way, I just love the way people just use the word "fuck" here like a valley girl uses "like." You can be talking about your new baby nephew in Ireland, and "fuck me, he's the most fucking beautiful little one you've ever seen."

And THE BEST part was when he dropped me off, and he said "well, you're among the most educated intelligent and traveled Americans I have met in 20 years of driving a taxi. I usually get, 'Hey Martha, isn't this so QUAINT!'" I nearly busted a gut.

As my colleague said, "the Irish boys love you." But of course, I didn't need to travel all the way from Boston to Dublin for that when we've got Southie just down the road. Although, their accents ARE much better here.

Wow!

2006-01-25T10:16:00.000-05:00

Based upon this warning I saw on cigarette packs here, I can't believe how many people smoke in the UK. Causes Impotence?

You'd think that with warnings like this emblazoned on cig packs in big black letters, London would be like a greyer, windier California . You know, a place where small packs of secret smokers hide in alleys like smack addicts, puffing away with no regard for their health. But you'd be wrong. Smokers everywhere!

Could there be a link between this new (proven?) information on the effects of smoking, and this story about the sex lives of the French?

By Popular Demand

2006-01-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

So apparently, readers of this blog don't like the "Angry Me" that comments on political issues. (Which is why I won't comment on the slanted BBC coverage of the Palestinian elections which is making my blood boil and causing me to listen to my new Eurythmics Ultimate Collection CD over and over rather than watch TV.)

My last post, on W and the abortion rally, resulted in a number of emails and IMs accusing me of "depressing people." I don't know what it says about me or my readers that people would rather debate the merits of Futurama as a cultural icon than discuss world issues, but I am nothing if not responsive. So keeping that in mind, the photo above inaugurates a new feature -- Funny Signs in London. Enjoy! (And feel free to leave a comment suggesting why the proprietors of The Cock Tavern might not want people sitting on the steps. Seriously, there's a lot of material there.)

And I promise not to post any angry political diatribes without a balancing post about something stupid I have done or a funny commentary on people, places or things. OK?

Fetal Position

2006-01-23T18:16:00.000-05:00

According to this story in the New York Times, it might be best for me to stay in London forever. Who the hell wants to live in a country where people compare abortion to the holocaust and call for the equivalent of Nuremberg trials for "feminist abortionists." And where the President CALLS IN TO THE RALLY to offer support, calling the march a "noble cause" and saying:

"You believe, as I do, that every human life has value, that the strong
have a duty to protect the weak, and that the self-evident truths of the
Declaration of Independence apply to everyone, not just to those considered healthy or wanted or convenient," he said. "These principles call us to defend the sick and the dying, persons with disabilities and birth defects, and all who are weak and vulnerable, especially unborn children."

"By changing laws," he added, "we can change our culture."

And what's so scary is that for the past six years, W has called in to this yearly march every time. Has he ever seen how these people verbally attack women entering clinics? Does he not remember the shootings at clinics and murders of doctors? I've worked at clinic defense, and let me tell you, a lot of these people are not "peaceful demonstrators" -- their tactics are trauma-causing.

And does he call into other political demonstrations? Even though Cindy Sheehan lost me when she went after Israel (and off the deep end in general), she did stage the most direct demonstration he's ever had to deal with -- right outside his ranch -- and yet, the man dodged her all Summer. But THIS demonstration he called into?

Since he's such a fan of illegally listening in on people's phone conversations, has he added anti-abortion activists to the list? I mean, some anti-abortion activists have killed people, which is terrorism in my book. How is that any different from illegally and unconstitutionally SPYING on people with dubious ties (at best!) to terrorist activities?

I think I may be staying here until November 2008 at least.

Email String of the Day

2006-01-23T15:55:00.000-05:00

So a group of my friends has been emailing back and forth about coming to London to visit. Convo below (email addresses, etc. changed or obscured so no one gets stalked or decides to sue me). We're so funny, at least in our own minds...

Remember to start at the bottom -- I pasted this in directly from my email account.
________________________________

From: Friend A
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 3:01 PM
Subject: RE: London calling

I just drink other people's drinks.

----------

From: Friend B
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 2:52 PM
Subject: RE: London calling

I've found cleavage to be highly effective for getting free drinks.
I then eat my "free" dinner of drink garnishes, e.g., olives, orange
slices, marachino cherries. This is why I had to switch from Atkins to South Beach -- love the fruit!

----------

From: Me
Sent: Monday, January 23 2006, 11:57 AM
Subject: RE: London calling

excellent! will purchase and begin executing immediately!
did i mention that there's a waterstone's near my house with a BAR on the top floor? my new favorite place to hang out. books & cocktails. what's better than that?

----------

From: Friend J
Subject: RE: London calling
Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 08:27:08 -0800 (PST)

Oh! I've never heard of that one.. I'll have to read
it. Showing my hippie years, I am familiar with "Steal this book" by Abbie Hoffman... Survive, Fight and Liberate!

----------

From: Friend A
Date: Monday, January 23 2006 2:43 PM
Subject: RE: London calling
Theres an excellent book you should read: Choke by Chuck
Paluhniuk. It's fiction but it involves a freaky couple of dudes who exhaust all the restaurants in the area using various tactics to get out of
paying. Its chock full of great ideas. You can relay your experiences in
in your blog.

----------

From: Me
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 10:37 AM
Subject: RE: London calling

I like it! Can you give me some tips on getting others to pay for
my dinner at fabulous restaurants in London? Have been considering
the whole "bring a big scary bug to dinner and put it in my food once
I've eaten most of it" thing, but wanted to know if anyone had any
other ideas?!?! Also considered the whole "be charming to random guys to get them to pay," but that seems too taxing.

----------

From: Friend J
Sent: 01/23/2006 10:14
Subject: RE: London calling

I say have Axxx pay for India expenses and get a free washer/dryer on
craigslist.org! I should write my book,"'Hobo's guide to living rich".

----------

From: Friend A
Subject: RE: London calling

I would love to go but Im afraid I have to back out. I need to save
$ for India and I need a new washer and dryer :) So you guys are
really missing out b/c Im doing the REALLY fun stuff. But try to suck it
up and have a good time....

Internet Legend?

2006-01-23T15:34:00.000-05:00

So I've gotten a couple of forwards of an email going around about Al Qaeda selling merchandise on the Web. People appear to be taking this at face value.

A couple of things don't ring true on this one. Most especially one piece of merchandise -- a tight fitting women's tank top. As you may recall, Osama Bin Laden was closely allied with the Taliban, who I am reasonably sure would have frowned upon such items of clothing, seeing as most women in Afghanistan couldn't even show their EYES when they were in power. I am reasonably sure that observant Muslims (or shall I say hyper-observant in Al Qaeda's case) wouldn't be selling a shirt like this. And let's not even bother with the "Made in the USA" label on the shirt. I think that one's too easy, actually.

Look at the site on Cafe Press. I'm reasonably sure it's BS. Sadly, another entity that sells items on Cafe Press is actually real. Beth, Alex, it's our old friend Dave! For those of you not familiar with the Devastating One, I suggest you check it out. Especially the thong. Bubah3000 out!

Eye for an Eye

2006-01-22T19:16:00.000-05:00

I know I should really stop reading Saudi Arabia's Arab News daily but I just can't help it. Afterall, I had many fun, interesting and amusing conversations with people following my post on The Paper Cup Incident and that has only encouraged this bad behavior.

Today's gem is titled "Assault Victim Spares Assailant's Eye," and the topic is just what you think it is.

Apparently, a Saudi "got into an altercation over payment" with the Indian-born foreign worker pumping his gas. The fight got physical, and a few weeks later, the Saudi started having problems with his vision. His "assailant" was charged with causing his "blindness" and sentenced to having his eye REMOVED. Luckily, the "victim" granted him a pardon and he gets to keep his eye.

The Arab News interviewed a number of Indian nationals living in The Kingdom:

“This is definitely a humanitarian act. We all know that Saudis are known for their goodwill and kindness, and this is just one more example of the magnanimity of Saudis. This also shows the special regard Saudis have for India and Indians. In Naushad’s case the media in both countries should be congratulated for highlighting the issue,” said Dr. Abdullah Moopen, a psychiatrist with Al-Abeer Polyclinic.

An accountant at a steel mill, a hospital administrator and a manager at an advertising agency were interviewed as well. It's unclear what, if any, relation these people have to the case, other than being Indian, but their quotes are all variations on the theme of: "Saudis are kind and we love being here."

I suppose the reporter couldn't use quotes like, "I have a good job. Please don't set me up on some trumped-up charge and take any of my organs or limbs. I mean, I have a nice life. Money actually DOES grow on trees here, did you know that? I love Saudi Arabia. Seriously. I want to stay and keep my body intact if possible."

Does this seem like propaganda to you? Maybe, just maybe, since it comes on the eve of King Abdullah's trip to India. I wonder if the "victim" got an oilwell as a "gift" recently?

Fires, Friends and Fun

2006-01-22T11:24:00.000-05:00

A huge thank you to Rachel for including me and Sus in her birthday celebration last night. And to Lee, Clare, Ruth, Sam, John and Nick for being so warm and friendly and making me feel so welcome in London. And of course, to Margie in absentia -- you were missed and we're all thinking about you! -- for introducing me to such great people.

We had a fantastic dinner at CVO Firevault. A very cool place downstairs from a fireplace showroom. Check it out here. And also check out their fireplaces... If I had 3300 GBP and somewhere to put something like this, I would definitely buy one!

Dinner, drinks and conversation were great. We then headed to a club for cocktails and dancing until at least 2:30 am. This place was great, with one of my favorite parts being the painting of an old couple wearing Burberry scarves and hats hanging on the wall next to the second floor bar. It's a blurry photo, (it was dark and I was using my phone to take the picture) but you get the gist... Too funny.

Susanne, Rachel, Clare and I tore it up on the dancefloor. Nowhere else have I heard Kanye West to 50 Cent to Basement Jaxx to Michael Jackson to Fatboy Slim mixed on the floor, but somehow it worked. (Maybe it was the champagne + wine + martini + mojito combo, but whatever...) And huge thanks to Clare for taking control with the DJ -- we saw a noticeable improvement every time she got involved.

All in all, a great night and a great experience topped off by a fabulous pub brunch this morning. I could get used to this.

Stop Calculating

2006-01-22T10:36:00.000-05:00

OK, so I don't know if I should continue calculating the GBP:USD exchange rate in my head.

Susanne came to visit from Copenhagen this weekend, and we had a great time. On Saturday, we went to lunch and shopping on The King's Road. Excellent sales and really really fun.

So I decided to stop calculating the hell out of every purchase and just buy things that seemed "reasonable" and fun. I actually "needed" a few things, so thought I should buy those things and not worry too much as long as the prices "seemed about right."

I had a great day shopping and didn't really overdo. But later, when I started doing the math, I realized what I paid for things... And it wasn't TERRIBLE, but it was more than I thought. Still, I don't want to be paralyzed by the weakness of the dollar while I am here. What's a girl to do? On the upside, other than the pants I bought at FCUK, most items can't be purchased in the US. (and in my defense, even the FCUK stock seems to be different in the UK than on Newbury Street)

Comments providing justification for shopping freely welcome...

Yacht Rock

2006-01-19T16:49:00.000-05:00

Shout out to Dave Watkins and his fabulous wife, Sue Lorenson, for alerting me to this. If a Dan Fogelberg melody makes you double over in hysterics, or you think Christopher Cross is the anti-Christ, or you just love the idea of tooling on self-important bad 70s "rockers" this is for you!

Start at the bottom with episode one and work your way to episode five. The whole series should take less than 30 minutes.

Enjoy!

The Irony of the Mid East

2006-01-19T12:26:00.000-05:00

Within 24 hours, I read two news stories that blow my mind when you look at them together:

Suicide and Sesame Street: New children's TV show brought to you by the letter V, the number 72 and Hamas

Suicide Bomber strikes in central Tel Aviv. May all the victims have a full and speedy recovery from their injuries.

Does anyone else ever just feel TIRED of all this? It's just a bizarro world where the NY Times can un-ironically run these stories two days in a row.

And I wish I could just continue to write about Canadians and Germans, and make Sprocket and David Hasselhoff jokes. But instead, the reality of a very bad situation that isn't getting any better has to intrude. And something tells me that Uncle Hamzi of Hamas/Sesame Street isn't going to make things any better...

Insane TV redux

2006-01-19T12:19:00.000-05:00

Futurama and Charmed don't seem so bad after seeing the following in German:

Law & Order
Law & Order SVU
ER
The Golden Globes (with constant commentary/ translation in German playing over the English soundtrack.)

Dinner in Dusseldorf

2006-01-19T12:11:00.000-05:00

If you're a vegetarian, prepare to have a frustrating time ordering dinner in Dusseldorf.

About 15 of us went to dinner at this great place, and I was the only non-meat-eater. Our waitress was direct from central casting -- "get me an efficient middle-aged German waitress ASAP!" She was great. The minute I drank my last sip of beer, she appeared next to me with a new one. And even guessed when I might want some water... (Luckily, I figured out what she meant when she said, "wasser?")

Other than that, though, we had no common language skills, so imagine how fun it was to try and tell her that I didn't eat meat, when their entire menu (even salads!) was meat-based. The two of us played a mean game of charades for a few minutes, before a German-speaker at the table offered some help. And then I sat back and hoped for the best. After about 20 minutes, I got a huge plate of three different (meatless) salads and a gigantic baked potato stuffed with sour cream and fresh chives. Some of the meat eaters at my table were actually jealous!

Good thing I was only there for a couple of days, though, or I think my food luck would not have continued...

Re: Dusseldorf

2006-01-17T17:21:00.000-05:00

Just received this message via email from one of my friends (am protecting his/her identity to protect him/her from angry emails from Germanophiles):

"Pick me up a duffelbag in Dusseldorf. Just head over to Hans and Franz
market, they have everything "

LOL. Classic.

Sprockets

2006-01-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

So I'm in Dusseldorf for my first-ever trip to Germany. I'm here on business, and have to be honest and say that I never actually thought I would travel to Germany. It's just not been of interest to me. And while I know that its not good to harbor bad feelings, I don't feel great about the country, the excellent movie by Israeli director Eytan Fox -- Walk on Water -- notwithstanding.

So it was definitely weird getting off the plane -- in part because usually in other countries to which I've traveled in Europe, I have at least some working knowledge of the language. I can read French and know generally what it means, and even say some basic things. I can make myself understood (and even delight old people with my effort) in Spanish and Italian. But here, I've got nothing. Not a word of German, I don't think. In fact, I mistook a carpark payment station for an ATM. The people around me as I swore and banged on the machine were quite amused (I can only hope that I'm not the first idiot to make that mistake!)

Some other tidbits (and I've only been here about two hours!):

My taxi driver had on a shirt that said, "Can I lick it?"
Apparently, you can watch ER dubbed in German and pretty much understand everything that is going on
Trying to order a Caesar salad from room service and asking for "no bacon" apparently means, "add chicken instead." I don't know why this is.
"Italian food" in my German hotel blows. (unless you like egg noodles and oven-burnt cherry tomatoes with Muenster cheese)

Eurythmics

2006-01-17T07:26:00.000-05:00

I always forget how much I actually like Eurythmics... until I leave the U.S. Everywhere other than in America, you hear Eurythmics quite a lot. For example, I have been sitting in a Starbucks doing work for the last three hours, and they have been playing what is clearly a Eurythmics Greatest Hits mix. (multiple times during this three hour period) And you know what? I think I'll pop across the street to the Virgin Megastore and buy it!

So to summarize:
Eurythmics = good
Futurama = bad
Canadians = rising in estimation

(this post is for you, Timmy W!)

In a normal world

2006-01-17T05:18:00.000-05:00

In a normal world, this story, headlined "Palestinians seek Israeli investments," would make sense. Neighbors. Collaborative economies. Economic growth combatting jihad. I get it. After all, for as long as I can remember, Palestinians worked in Israel in all kinds of jobs until things went south.

But that's the point. Nowhere in this article does it mention, for example, that QASSAM ROCKETS ARE BEING FIRED FROM PA TERRITORY INTO ISRAEL EVERY DAY.

Perhaps next week, Israel will be asked to invest in Iran's nuclear research. And someone somewhere will say that if Israel just does that, then President Crazy will call off the holocaust conference, call Israel a "great neighbor" and the two countries will co-sponsor Purim festivals every year.

I Stand Corrected

2006-01-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

in regard to reality TV shows from the US. Apparently, Wife Swap started in the UK first, and was exported to the US. So here they show both -- Wife Swap UK and Wife Swap US. I don't know how I feel about that. But I do stand by my issues with Quantum Leap, Miami Ink and the other shows mentioned on this blog.

Holocaust Conference -- WTF?

2006-01-15T17:07:00.000-05:00

OK, perhaps I'm crazy, but it is unbelievable to me that in the year 2006, we are seeing news stories about a conference to examine the "scientific and historical facts of the holocaust."

That's right, the crazy loon in charge of Iran, who I would wager is even more of an embarassment to the majority of Iranian people than W is to many of us in the US, announced plans to hold a conference to discuss what he calls the myth of the Holocaust. And his friends in the Muslim Brotherhood, and imams running mosques in Queens, NY agree with him.

This is where it gets scary, people. Its been easy to dismiss him up until now. I mean, he's clearly crazy. But read the news reports. And listen to the deafening silence. He's upping the ante and no one is doing much to stop him. Except maybe the empty threats of maybe not letting Iran play in the World Cup.

I can imagine the "scholars" President Crazy will invite to participate in this event. Hey, maybe the Palestinian Authority's own Mahmoud Abbas can come present his PhD thesis on the subject. And he'd be the moderate one. He only thinks the numbers are exaggerated... The other speakers will likely say its all a lie.

This shit is scary, and I can only hope that the the US is reporting a bit more outrage about this, because in the UK, all I'm getting is some factual reports of the fact that this conference is going to take place. SCARY.

Oh, Canada!

2006-01-15T08:59:00.000-05:00

Last time I went out on the town with Margie in London, we were saddled with an incredibly boring and self-important Canadian guy who Margie had met earlier. (She used to have a problem with being too kind to annoying people, but she's working on it... admitting it is the first step!) So when we were making plans before going out last night, our watchwords were "No Canadians!" -- code for let's not waste our valuable fun time talking to people who aren't interesting.

So you can see where this is going... Almost EVERYONE we talked to last night was Canadian. (Or a friend of a Canadian, as in the example of the incredibly foxy Croat.) And all of them were from Vancouver. Even as we were walking down Fulham Road looking for a taxi, the other people walking down the street behind us were from Vancouver, too. I had no idea Vancouver was a feeder city for London, but apparently it is. Good times.

So we hereby publicly renounce our vow of "No more Canadians" -- especially since we plan on befriending the Canadian bartender at Cactus Blue, who made us the best drinks we have ever had. (and gave us good shopping tips! and had cool friends. and tirelessly searched for Margie's gloves after she lost them. and was just generally a very nice guy.)

In fact, we're planning on memorizing their drink menu for Bethapalooza this year... I had something called "The Hustler" which consisted of gin, fresh passionfruit juice (with an actual passionfruit in the glass!), and basil (I think, its all a bit hazy at this point). And Margie's drink, whose name I have totally forgotten, consisted of lemon vodka, vanilla vodka and muddled lemons. They were fantastic!

UPDATE: Margie informs me that her drink was called a "vpod"

IM Xchange of the Day

2006-01-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

My friends and I are oh-so-amusing. Sometimes unintentionally. Here's an example.

DahabSunset (12:53:37 PM): trying to
decide what to wear to dinner tonight.

DahabSunset (12:53:59 PM): have headache and dont care that much. but have to look good in case meet future husband or man who will get me pregnant

a13xa9dr1a (1:04:20 PM): Oh jesus mother mary and josef. Wear magic ass pants

DahabSunset (1:05:23 PM): lol. ok, crazy. green magic ass pants, or dragon on leg magic ass pants?

a13xa9dr1a (1:05:56 PM): Dragon on leg

DahabSunset (1:06:46 PM): yes. could be good. and low maintenance. pair with black shirt and be done with it. just have to fuck around with hair and some makeup. extra 30 mins on couch. excellent

Glossary:
DahabSunset = me
A13xa9dr1a = Alex
magic ass pants = pants that make my butt look good

No Jesusland for Robertson

2006-01-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

Pat Robertson's commentary on Sharon's stroke being "retribution" has cost him his Christian theme park in Israel. Even his "apology" isn't helping him, though. Earlier this year, Robertson announced plans to build an evangelical Christian destination in Northern Israel, encompassing many sites historically linked to Jesus's life. And Israel was going to donate the land and the infrastructure, anticipating up to $1.5B additional in tourism revenues each year.

The whole thing felt wrong then, and it feels even more wrong now. I mean, it's not like Robertson doesn't think Israelis aren't going to be consumed in hellfire like the rest of the sinners when JC comes back. And while the Israeli government is unwilling to proceed with Robertson, they do want to go ahead with "other investors."

Now, I know that Israel is holy to Jews, Christians and Muslims. And I get that during the intifada, Christian Pilgrims kept the tourism industry going when American Jews were afraid to travel there. (Although I would argue most real Christian Pilgrims who visit these sites would prefer to see them as they are, rather than featuring a Loaves and Fishes Foodcourt)

Does the government of Israel never learn? The people behind big evangelical projects like this don't give a shit about Israel, except in the ways that its existence helps drive their own agenda, or allows them to talk about prophecies. Robertson was just crazy enough to show it. His replacements in this scheme won't make the mistake of tipping their hands like he did.

Corporate Apartments...

2006-01-12T16:43:00.000-05:00

... have pluses and minuses. The pluses include daily maid service, a fabulous location right near Regent's Park, a gym and sauna right downstairs, a concierge, and the ability to order room service whenever I am feeling lazy. (More on the likelihood of me doing this often below...)

The minuses are worthy of a bit more detail. I just noticed that I have the same picture hanging over my bed and in a random corner of my living room. Ain't it a beauty? Now, I knew more than to expect cutting-edge decor in a corporate apartment, but at LEAST they could throw some variety into the boring prints they hung around the place. Or, apparently not...

Also, my kitchen isn't great. It consists of a toaster, a kettle, a coffee maker, a sink and a dorm fridge and two burners. Now, if I was planning on subsisting on a diet of ramen noodles, beer, kraft macaroni and cheese and toast, this would be fine. Instead, I find myself living on a diet of soup, pasta, yogurt, coffee, tea, fruit and toast. And bad Indian restaurants.

The maid service is both a blessing and a curse. I work from home, and most mornings so far, they have cleaned my room first thing in the morning while I was at the gym or out getting coffee. Well, this morning they didn't come during that time, so I figured that when they did show up, I'd take a break from work and pop out and buy some groceries (i.e., more bread, some new varieties of tea, soup).

When the housekeeping staff showed up at 11:15, I headed out to the store, figuring that with all the places they have to clean, it would take 25-30 minutes max, plus they clean every day. I came back with my groceries -- and they weren't done. I put them away and felt wildly uncomfortable while they did an absolutely amazing job, spending more than an hour on my place. While I appreciated this, it was somewhat uncomfortable... So I called down to the concierge and requested that my maid service be scheduled for 8:00 am every day.

Sounds a bit bratty now that I see it in writing...

Yeccchhh!

2006-01-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

News on Jolie-Pitt Baby.
File this under I used to love them, but now I hate them.

Davey comes to town

2006-01-11T13:36:00.000-05:00

London is known for its Indian restaurants. So, when one of my oldest friends, Dave (aka Puff Laddie), came to town on my second night here, we wandered around looking for a place to eat, figuring we'd just pick an Indian restaurant that "looked good." When we passed one that appeared really busy, I figured we couldn't go wrong.

Apparently, I was mistaken. That's a picture of Dave making a face in the restaurant after I sent the samosas back because they were FROZEN in the middle. I wandered into the only bad Indian restaurant in London. Are you surprised?

Apparently, this restaurant buys their samosas at Tesco or Sainsbury's. (do you like I how I'm suddenly casually dropping the names of British supermarkets, rather than saying "Stop & Shop or Shaw's"??! Impressive, no? I'm practically a local now after two and a half days. I also managed to take the tube, a train and a bus to Reading at rush hour while still jetlagged... I mean, really, I should be issued a UK passport at this point.)

And instead of being horrified when I mentioned that they were frozen, the waiter worldlessly took the plate away. About 20 minutes later, he (also wordlessly) brought us another plate. These were so "well-warmed" that they were actually impossible to eat.

I made a game out of gnawing on them when my boss called me during the dinner and I had to pretend to be totally focused on the conversation while trying to keep Dave amused. Apparently, my attempts at biting into the samosas sounded like mm-hmms, yeses, and other signs of assent to my boss and he never guessed that I was playing around with stone-like appetizers and making faces with my friend.

Despite the bad food (now I know where NOT to go for dinner), Dave and I had a good time catching up. Even though he lives in NY, and I usually live in Boston, this was the first time we had seen each other in well over a year. Apparently he'll need to schedule additional business trips if we're going to stay in touch regularly. Although next time we won't go to dinner at 9 pm, since we couldn't find a place to have an after-dinner drink when we got out of Chez Frozen Food... amazingly, we stayed more than two hours despite the horrible experience. Must have been the company.

Insane TV

2006-01-11T11:30:00.000-05:00

Since I am now working from "home" -- when I'm not traveling -- I've quickly learned that working in silence is totally distracting. As a result, I leave the TV on for background noise while I'm working. I've looked up a couple of times to see unbelievable crap on the TV. Below, please find a list of American shows I would NEVER watch in the US that I happened to notice were playing in the background:

Golden Girls
Quantum Leap (multiple times a day, I think!)
Columbo
Murder, She Wrote
According to Jim (I was not even aware of this show's existence before arriving in London)
That weird cartoon show that happens in the year 3000 (I have no idea what it is called)
Charmed

On the plus side, I have caught one show (at night) that I love and I would never watch in the US, because they'd never have it in the US (except maybe on PBS at a totally odd time). Its called Balderdash and Piffle (a fabulous show name that would never get by the network suits in the US!) and is co-produced by the BBC and the Oxford English Dictionary. Basically, OED staff travel the UK and bring ordinary people into the act in order to research the origins and first uses of words in order to add them to the dictionary. Its fantastic. Was totally depressed when it was over on Monday night. If it does show up on PBS in the US, I highly recommend it. You can also learn more about it here.

UPDATE -- Shout out to Alex for remembering the name of the future cartoon show -- Futurama. She also added, "holy shit, people over there must think we're idiots."

Quick "I've Arrived" Post

2006-01-08T17:49:00.000-05:00

I made it to London. Quick highlights before I go get some sleep...

My taxi driver was obsessed with my height (no easy discussion to have for 40 minutes when I know how tall I am in feet, not meters... or shall I say metREs) Seriously, he wanted to talk about my height for the WHOLE RIDE -- and I'm not that tall. He even asked if I was "in sport." (Stop laughing, Alex!) His parting words as he was driving away: "Other women must be envious of your height. It looks great on you. Just beautiful!" WTF?

Billboards for American TV Shows on the road b/w Heathrow and London -- Miami Ink and Wife Swap. Are you kidding me? Will have to develop an indeterminate accent so people don't think I'm American, considering that based on these two shows, people will think that everyone in the US is one of the following:
1) an evangelical Christian that home schools their children (and possibly raises llamas)
2) an atheist that parties with their children and lets them run around like wild animals
3) a tattoo artists with a foul mouth
4) the type of person that wants a tattoo of their dead cat, or a complete recreation of The Last Supper tattooed across their back, or a new tattoo to cover up the picture of their ex-boyfriend across their ass

And I have a fashion question. Why is it that Burberry aficionados in the US wear those plaid "country outfits" (sorry Beth!) but in London, the Burberry store has an orange patent leather trench coat in the window? Do they keep all the good stuff for themselves and laugh at Americans wearing the boring stuff they send over to the US?

Off to sleep now. I have to unpack in the morning, and by the way, they have got to be kidding me with the closet in my room. 8 hangers total. Seriously, I'm here for a 3 month minimum and they think I can hang all of my clothes on 8 hangers?! Will need to talk to someone about that!

Crazy Trip Feedback

2006-01-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

I leave for London in the morning. I've gotten all kinds of interesting feedback/commentary/requests surrounding my trip.

Almost every woman over the age of 45 I have spoken with about my trip has told me that they "just know I'll meet my husband there." Not that I would be upset if they were right, but its interesting to note that its a unanimous prediction. ("Well you haven't been successful in America, so maybe the Euros will like you better!")

Almost everyone has asked if I'm going to drive in the UK and whether I'm going to take driving lessons to learn how to drive on the "wrong" side of the road. (BTW, the answer is no.)

About 50 percent of people asked if I would begin calling car trunks "boots," apartments "flats," and elevators "lifts." As a corollary to this, I would say 80% of people have pre-emptively accused me of developing a Madonna-like faux accent, as if they're expecting me to come back with one. I would imagine that nothing annoys the British more than an American with an affected British accent.

Once it was decided that I was going, my boss started telling me he had to "use the loo" everytime he had to go to the bathroom. I don't want him telling me that in American, much less English!

A friend of mine, who lives in London, told me that "we'll have to take a trip to Duabi together." I tried to explain to her that they're not likely to let me in.

But perhaps most interesting is the request I got to bring back bouillon cubes for one of my co-workers. Apparently, in the UK, they make bouillon cubes in odd flavors like "roasted red pepper," etc. I'm apparently supposed to comb the supermarkets for these things. A preliminary google search has not turned up anything, but I will obviously keep you all updated on my search.

I'm sure the concierge in my building will be able to help on this one... although I may wait until I've been there for a few weeks before asking. I don't want to be labeled "crazy bouillon chick" my first week in the building... Afterall, he may tell the other residents, and I don't want my future husband thinking I have some broth fetish before we even get to know each other!

Positive Energy to Sharon

2006-01-07T20:28:00.001-05:00

I never expected to feel the way I do about Ariel Sharon. I certainly never expected to start crying when I heard he had had a stroke. And I find myself following the news constantly... (in fact, I fly to London tomorrow and find it maddening that I'll be on a plane for hours with no access to up-to-the-minute news like you can get on the Internet.)

Tonight, Yediot Ahronot (www.ynetnews.com) has a headline that states, "PM will likely survive." I don't know how I feel about the way the news is being handled. Earlier this week, Condi cancels a trip "in case she has to go to Jerusalem." (subtext being: in case she has to go to a funeral.) Now he will "likely survive." Something about this speculation just isn't sitting right with me. And the fact that speculation is news is just another example of this need to constantly update the story... (probably to feed news junkies like me.)

I understood the news media's need to speculate on who would take power if Sharon didn't survive. Now that it is fairly clear that he won't be able to resume his duties as Prime Minister, that discussion isn't really necessary. And I just don't like people playing with karma and talking about whether someone's going to live or die.

In any case, I hope that tonight brings Mr. Sharon more rest and recuperation. I hope he knows how much positive energy is being sent in his direction and that his commitment to Israel is being returned to him in people's thoughts.

Satire News Wrap-Up

2006-01-07T19:44:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, its the world's best kept secret, but Pat Robertson apparently suffers from a "condition" that makes him insane. So, that explains why he sees fit to tell the world that Ariel Sharon is being punished, just like New York in 2001 and New Orleans this past year. But apparently, some are taking action in an attempt to make him "shut the hell up."

And according to this item, Kate Burton is "clinically insane." That explains that one! Although I can't help but wonder why the Times of London, BBC and The Guardian aren't pursuing the story of her kidnapper being arrested and then let go, with the same zeal they seemed to want to cover the fact that she "understands" her kidnappers and plans to go back to Gaza soon. More news on this here.

True Love?

2005-12-31T16:11:00.000-05:00

Maybe it’s because I’m still searching for true love, but I think I am very sensitive to the needs of others searching for their soul mates. That is why I believe that two people – a high school student from Florida and a Brit in Gaza – are meant for each other.

Farris Hassan, despite having no credentials, no experience, no authorization to travel and no command of Arabic, decided to just “go to Iraq” and ask the AP for a job. And Kate Burton, after being kidnapped in Gaza with her parents, thinks her kidnappers are good people and plans to return to Gaza.

Now, you may think I am posting this because I have some negative feelings about Iraq and/or Gaza, or because I am commenting on the intelligence of these two people. But actually, what I think binds these two together is the fact that they clearly have the two strangest sets of parents on earth.

Based on all of the news reports I have seen on both cases, these parents are either wildly naïve, or freakishly confident that their children have guardian angels. The most emotional thing I have heard Hassan’s parents say is that he is going to be grounded. And Burton’s parents apparently support her decision to return to Gaza.

I am reasonably sure that if I took it upon myself to go to a war zone on my own in high school, my dad would hop on a plane and come barrelling into Baghdad in a tank (Note: my father was a tank commander in the Army, so he actually knows HOW to wrest control of and drive a tank. Insert jeep, or UN vehicle here if you're putting yourself in the same position, but you get the drift…) grab me and TAKE MY STUPID ASS HOME.

Similarly, if I was kidnapped, anywhere in the world (with or without my parents) and part of the ordeal featured the production of a video of the kidnappers holding an automatic weapon in my vicinity, once I was freed, my parents would tie me up if necessary, put me on a plane, and TAKE MY STUPID ASS HOME. (And may I just point out again for the record that HER PARENTS WERE KIDNAPPED ALONG WITH HER!)

I've taken an informal poll and most people I have asked agreed that their parents (or alternatively, they, as parents) would react in a similar fashion.

That's why I believe these two could have a real bond. I hope they get to meet soon. Anything anyone can do about hooking them up?

Happy 2006!

Paper Cup Incident

2005-12-27T19:06:00.000-05:00

Check out this hard-hitting story from The Arab News!

Apparently, no one in Saudi Arabia wanted anyone to know that they buy PAPER CUPS from Israel. With everything going on in that part of the world today, it's clear that this is a huge issue.

From the fabulous article:

"We were shocked and angry," said a hospital employee. "How can Israeli products be allowed and how did they enter this hospital?" he asked.

The Filipino employee who works in the Al-Musbah coffee shop asked: "Why is everybody mad about the cups?" He was told: "Because they are made in Israel!"

According to hospital officials, the matter is being investigated and action will be taken.

So many things about this are absolutely hilarious. First of all, the cups are from a well-known Israeli coffeehouse chain usually located in malls around the country. The logo, as seen above in the photo that accompanied the story in Arab News (consider this my attribution for use of the photo), is VERY prominent on the cups. The irony is too much.

I also wish someone would tell these "outraged" people who are "investigating and taking action" that its quite likely that some of the medical equipment in their hospital likely came from Israel as well. Will they investigate and take action about that, too?

Interestingly, the media in other parts of the world had a different view, or at least were less "outraged." Israeli outlets like The Jerusalem Post (www.jpost.com) and Yediot Ahronot (www.ynetnews.com) talk about trade between Israel and Arab countries in a larger sense talking about how much this "secret" trade likely generates. Haaretz (www.haaretz.com) featured a headline that seemed overly optimistic to me:
Hidden trade just waiting for a political deal. And most news outlets in the US ran an AP story on the "incident."

Its truly amazing to me that this is even a news story. And I must say I'm a little amazed that Arab News included the story on an English web site -- I have got to think that most of the world is scratching their heads at the level of urgency in the piece...

The reporter, in what appears to be a serious series of paragraphs, describes going to the website of the company in Israel who manufactured the cups, and according to him, "it was found to be in Hebrew." (In just the sort of tone an American news outlet might say a website was "found to condone necrophilia.") Apparently, the HEBREW WRITING on the actual cup wasn't enough proof -- they needed to go to the Web site to make sure there was a real story here!

He then called the distributor, and details his conversation with him. Finally, he mentions that the distributor promised to pass along the supplier's contact information, leading me to believe there will be a follow-up story on this international crime of commerce. I don't know about you, but I'm gonna be hitting the web site regularly to see what "Jeelani" (quotation marks courtesy of Arab News. Perhaps they don't believe that's his real name...?) has to say for himself.

The story ends on an ominous note. "The paper cups were quickly withdrawn from use, but might there not be other, less obvious Israeli products in our shops and marketplaces?"

Be very, very afraid! :)